this one is for those who struggle with codependency
If you read last week’s House Talk article, you know I’ve spent a lifetime hiding my codependency behind words like compassionate, supportive, and helpful.
In order for me to be okay, I’ve historically needed you to be okay.
Thankfully, that’s shifting with help from my therapist.
AND MY HOME.
While therapy supports the inner work of healing, my home has become a neon-lit reminder of how to maintain healthy relationships—with others, and with myself.
If you’ve ever….
Felt responsible for someone else’s emotions
Tried to fix someone else’s problems without being asked
Had difficulty saying no
Felt like you’re not enough
Struggled to articulate what you like or need
Measured your self worth by how much you do for others
Stayed in a relationship because of the fear of being alone
…then keep reading.
This guide will give you a peek into how your home can support you in coming back to yourself - because your feelings matter. Your needs matter. You matter.
YOUR GUIDE TO COMING BACK TO YOU
Establish house rules
For those of us on the codependency spectrum, boundaries often don’t come naturally. It’s tempting to take on too much responsibility, which is why house rules are so helpful. They clarify who is responsible for what.
For example:
Everyone folds and puts away their own laundry
No electronics at the dinner table
Shoes go in the basket by the door
Clear expectations create spaciousness for everyone.
Check your doors
Expressing needs (or even saying no) can be painfully difficult for those of us who’ve spent a lifetime tuned into others. That’s why it’s helpful to check in on the literal doors in your home.
In feng shui, doors are connected to communication and voice. If a door can’t fully open because of clutter, or if it squeaks loudly every time you use it, it might be mirroring difficulty speaking up. Tending to your doors can help open those channels.
Create a sacred space
A sacred space is a place where you can exhale. It doesn’t need to be fancy. It just needs to be yours. A corner of a room, a spot by a window, even a closet totally counts.
It’s a space where you can feel safe enough to check in with yourself and ask: How am I doing? What do I need right now?
(For a deeper dive, see my article: The One Space Your Soul Craves.)
Display photos that include you
Codependents often play the supporting cast. We’re the ones behind the camera, not in front of it. If that’s true for you, try this: Make sure you’re equally represented in the photos in your home. Maybe even display one of just you. 😉
Express your personality
When someone asks what we want, “I don’t know” often slips out of our mouths before we can think.
But here’s the thing: I do think we know what we like. We just trust other people’s opinions more than our own.
Your home can become a safe place to practice expressing your preferences.
Love adventure? Line your shelves with travel books.
Feel creative? Hang original artwork.
Eternal optimist? Sprinkle your home with pops of yellow - pillows, candles, flowers, throws, etc.
Let your space reflect you.
Highlight self care rituals
When caring for others becomes our default mode, it’s easy to forget about our own needs. This is where visual cues help.
Think:
A candle and bath salts beside the tub
A tea station with your favorite mug
A cozy corner with fairy lights, a meditation cushion, and your yoga mat
These little altars remind you: Come back to yourself.
Prioritize your bedroom
It’s easy to focus on the public-facing parts of our home and forget the private ones. But in feng shui, your bedroom represents your inner self.
So let’s flip the script.
Give your bedroom the attention it deserves. Declutter. Clean. Organize. Beautify. You’re not just making your bed. You’re reinforcing the message: I matter, too.
Focus on your closet
Closets, in feng shui, are tied to how we show up in the world.
So here’s your challenge: Let go of the clothes that make you feel “less than.” Whether it’s cozy sweatpants or a black dress, everything in your closet should feel like you.
Open the door and know: Anything I pull out will support who I am or who I am becoming.
Upgrade your Fame & Reputation area
Feng shui has a tool called the bagua. It’s an energy map that connects areas of your home with aspects of your life.
The “Fame & Reputation” area lives at the back middle of your home. This space reflects how you’re seen in the world.
Take a walk to that area and ask:
If this space mirrors how I’m perceived, what message is it sending?
If the answer doesn’t feel empowering, what small shift can you make?
Hang a mirror
Sometimes, we just need a nudge to refocus on ourselves. Mirrors are excellent for this. Catching your reflection can be a reminder to check in with your needs and emotions.
For tips on choosing and placing mirrors, check out: How a Mirror Can Support You Right Now.
You deserve to see yourself clearly and often!
NOW OVER TO YOU
What’s your favorite way to reconnect with yourself—the wise, the witchy, or the wonderfully practical?
Let us know in the comments. We’d love to hear.
xoxo
Dorena
Space Doula®
P.S. Ready to deepen the relationship with your home? I’d love to support you whether that’s with a DIY course, a membership community, or a private session.
This is so me! I’ve had to do so much boundary work over the years, but this is a great reminder.
What a helpful and insightful post. At the very beginning you helped me see a situation where I defaulted to an old codependent pattern with my sisters. So thank you for that. Now I can have better language and awareness for how to raise the conversation up in a healthier way.
And then all of these house insights are just fabulous. As a nomad, I’m now staying in other people‘s homes over the next few months during my book tour. And I love how I’m making the bedroom that I’m staying in very much mine with a stack of my books on the dresser and a laminated print out poster of my cover on the wall and a couple more of my books on the bedside table. I’m immersing myself in my own biggest creation and joy right now. And it really helps. Ground me. Center me. Inspire me. Thank you for the gift of this post today! I really needed it.